8:01 p.m. - 2019-08-05
will u plz help me call my mom?
Well

I met this guy. He spoke real fast. Like I dunno fifteen years went by and I seen him seldom. I was trying to help some sad chick I met once on the internet, I was gonna help her call up her mommy. So I reluctantly talked to her, and holy shit she was dating this guy that I mentioned knowing for 15 years or whatever, and somehow, dumbass me found a way to make her problem my problem. He really is that charming. He came to see me like a giant fucking man puddle, whew I really needed to see someone I knew. I like to think I helped make him feel better. There are days when he says he would have died without me around. He usually says he is gonna die everyday. He's anxious, and high strung. Then there are days when he says he will die if I don't leave him alone, and well I know I'm dyin either way, so there is that. Let me get to the story though.

So this dude drives up here like misses the driveway like six times, and tbh he's all fucked up on some kinda berry, but holy shit, after all that time apart well, we were smokin' the same kind of cigarettes. I know this player has good taste. We sat down by the awful pond in a box in the woods at a picnic table. He started telling me that he had literally dreamed of me uttering warnings to him. Well, this man is not at all like the rest, infact, this man might understand that I am a Space Angel with an expansive network.....he might be weird like I am....a superhuman. Oh it had been so long we were never very close before but there was always like somekind of mental handshake happening. We were both always busy before and probably scared shitless of each other tbh, this guy still scares me once in a while.

We stayed up talking about aliens and space shit things I couldn't, things I kinda maybe don't or do get, maybe I dunno. I was just happy not to be alone. He's chugging some weird juice, and drinking smoking like a champion, and eventually he started pukin' by a crappy pond late late at night, he's worried about his keys and his shit and now he's askin me for chapstick, and tellin me he's cold like a big old wuss, but ya know it was cold and he didn't have an ounce of fat, unlike me who may have had literally no muscle mass. Now I should add that I live to hold ppl and help em out when they're hurt or sick, but this was different. I thought to myself, I'm just gonna let him be alone over there.

1. It could have been a trick to get some physical shit started
2. I respect this guy and I don't wanna baby him cause that probably happens to him too often with those eyes.
3. I ain't setting up that pattern again, if he can handle drinking this booze, clearly he can handle ejecting them from his temple. I ain't your momma or your nurse, shit gimme that rum more for me.

So my heart dropped out of my chest, and it felt like I was pukin' too. I was worried that it would be a lot more dramatic. It was pretty quick and we went inside. I plugged in the rope lights and put him in a freshly made bed with my grandma's quilt she made out of old wool suits, and he promised to unplug the rope lights, and then I had the weirdest and worst robot sex I've ever had in my life. While it was inside, I thought to myself "oh hell no, never again."

I woke up, showered, made breakfast and grabbed two federal duck stamp mugs and made tea. Turned on the radio, and let him sleep. There weren't enough eggs and I made a really weird quiche.

We wandered around, he was complaining about hundreds of bad bitches he was dancing with, so I asked him about his unit, I thought to myself, this guy has to be the proud owner of an AK. He laughed and told me about making love while I hung the sheets up to dry on the line.

We walked a bit in the woods, but I didn't have a gun on me, so I was helpless to bears and we drove to the beach. The first one was in Knife River by the Marina and it was so damn windy we both like took two steps towards the water and turned around. I told him about the man I seen looking at the sunset for one perfect second, a random guy who like walked to see the sunset at the perfect moment and walked away. He laughed, he got it. He always gets my weird stories.

In the car as we drove to Black Beach he explained to me that he actually enjoys talking and that we have good conversations. That felt good. It was so beautiful at the beach. We sat on a cliff and gathered stones and for a moment I thought he tried to hold my hand, and I had to think about my morals, I couldn't even believe he wasn't too shallow to even look at my hand, but it might have been a delusion. I read him Shakespear, and put a drop of rose oil on his forehead. we walked the shoreline in opposite directions. I found a creepy anonymous mask in the grass. we drove back and I stopped at the store cause something on the side of the road caught his attention and he kinda seemed really chipper about that, so we got potatoes and I dunno he got some juice, then the next thing I know shorty is tripping hard about his missing keys.

Isn't there something eerie about misplacing a key?

Before this happened I was recalling the last time I helped someone who told me they needed help finding their lost key, a black key, and now here I was looking for keys again, at Black beach. Dark, but we recovered the key it was by the little pile of stones we left where I read the sonnets. This time we forgot my coffee cup, and he ran like hell to go get it. There was a pretty woman alone at the beach and I wondered if they secretly knew each other.

I bought him a teal blue star for his key ring trying to tweak his brain a bit for the better, I guess he thought it was like a secret weapon or something, maybe he smashed it lol. Then I couldn't afford gas lol. I was so distracted I over pumped it. Opps. I was so relived I wasn't alone and he helped lol.

suddenly he was leaving but I fed the boys and had them take a wheeler ride, like guys do I dunno what I was thinking, I was thinking the fresh air would do him good and I needed to play my guitar. he came back on the good wheeler as I was sitting in my guitar chair singing about american stuff, and this is where I fucked up.

God damn the look in his eyes was like incredibly sexy and that smile had me. I thought, now this is a man I can work with, he gets what he wants and so do I, we could take over the world, and then I was doomed. There was a million glasses falling down at the china shop in my mind and my gut felt weird and airy. I thought in my head god damnit, now I gotta lose like 40 pounds to get on the bottom of this roster of heart broken alien megababes.

The next thing I knew, im skipping work and driving all the fuck over light a god damn tumbleweed in a tornado, and this man tells me to meet him at the church. I thought "Yeah, I like it when you say that, tell me that again for fun."

Then. the second time I visited his ass, he was afraid of a mouse so he fell asleep, and when I got there, he had left his car light on, and he didn't even wake up! WHEN HE DID HE WOKE UP LITERALLY SCREAMING?

THIS MAN IS SOMETHING ELSE?

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