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5:02 p.m. - 2012-05-29
the question of "what am i going to do?" looms over me like a big gaping black hole

it distracts me from the realization that i am already doing it.

seeing things and feeling alive.

everything that matters.

i dreamt of being with you, when i woke up to see you there beside me in the bed, for some reason i still wanted to keep dreaming.

yesterday i dreamt that a teacher quit teaching our class 75% through the year, and they couldn't send a replacement, so I just decided I would start teaching the class and give everybody good grades, because I didn't want to do it again. There were only two kids in class, and so I was grading their presentations. One kid was showing a movie of him using a plastic nerf bow and explaining how cool it was. I gave him an A. The other person was an old man who brought in a salad for his project which was cool because I didn't bring any lunch that day, not that I usually eat lunch. The salad was two gigantic steaks with some arugula shoved between the slabs of meat, cut in half like a sandwich in some kind of deviated tupperware. There were sides of dressing. I began walking to the lunch room. where it became apparent that i was dating this dude i knew from high school. I gave him and his friend the steak, and went upstairs because I forgot something, as I was going up the stairs a loud mouthed girl I knew back in high school screamed to me, "LIZ ARE YOU SEEING (DUDES NAME)? I ADVISE AGAINST IT, I HAVE THINGS TO TELL YOU." My stomach sank and at first i didn't even give a fuck, but i knew i probably should listen and that the news would not be good. Then someone screamed at me to bring down the orders that were placed on the ledge to the cafeteria. I was serving? I didn't think so, but hell, if they were so swamped I could probably help them out for a quick bit just so they could catch up.
I picked up 3 tickets, though I only read the first one, it said "VERBENA." A plant?! I thought, so I ran out to the garden frantically searching for this plant, looking at other plants carefully, reading the tags until I saw someone very wise i knew, called her by the wrong name, because it was dark. she pleasantly showed me the verbena. BUT I NEEDED YELLOW VERBENA, so she told me

"aha! you must mean the verbena in the Ricky Rubio room!"

(In my dream this made sense as a clever pun on Nursery because Rubio got hurt or whatever)

so in the ricky rubio room it was a tiny den of 3 or 4 stoners, and there was one yellow verbena bud inside of a snowglobe? it looked cool, but i thought about how wasteful it was. and contemplated the moment it would have to be broken open and replanted.


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